The Longest April Fools' Day
I began April 1 by leaving the hotel in Wellington, NZ at 5am; I ended it by arriving in Greenwich Village, NYC, at 10:30pm. I keep trying to mentally calculate how many hours that was, but I'm too tired to get the same answer twice in a row.
It's an indication of just how badly things are going for telecom policy in this country that TWO well-respected people just posted to well-respected policy listservs the confident announcement that a terrible Telecom Act of 2006 had passed Congress in the middle of the night. They did this with saddened alarm.
They had fallen for an April Fools' joke, but … it's understandable. They took as valid a posting by Benton's Communications-Related Headlines that said:
In votes cast in the wee hours of Saturday morning, the House and Senate passed, by narrow majorities, the Telecommunications Competition and Investment Act of 2006. President Bush signed it without a ceremony after a quick return from a visit to Mexico just a few hours ago. Because of the timing of the votes — held when even C-SPAN cameras were dark — and the President's signature, coverage of the new legislation is spotty. The Telecom Act of 2006, as some are already referring to the bill, aims to increase competition in the video delivery market by allowing easily entry for telephone companies like AT&T and Verizon. Apparently, the process for awarding truly “national” franchises has been streamlined for these new entrants so that they may simply inform the Securities & Exchange Commission of their intent to provide video services before beginning to bill consumers. The complex provisions related to Universal Service, critics are already saying, will redirect up to 30% of USF funds to just four states: Alaska, Texas, Illinois and Montana.
Funny, right? Of COURSE the SEC notification is ridiculous; of COURSE there won't be billions going to the home states of key Commerce Committee members. But it feels as if anything is possible these days.
The Benton tomfoolery post continues:
In addition, the legislation phases in spectrum fees on all licenses beginning in Fiscal Year 2007 and ends the use of “unlicensed” spectrum. Municipal telecommunications networks, including so-called “Wi-Fi” networks, will be prohibited beginning January 1, 2008.
Hah! Unbelievable, right? But there's more:
Finally, the bill aims to end the “Net Neutrality” debate by 1) allowing network operators to discriminate between traffic if it is “economically advantageous,” 2) relying solely on “market-driven agreements” to determine interconnection and 3) restricting use of a network by the terms of service agreed to when subscribing.
The best jokes cut closest to the bone, prompting a shocked laugh of recognition. That's what the much-forwarded Benton post did, because all the Benton folks had to do was slap together slightly-enhanced versions of the current network owners' rhetoric. Wise minds were fooled.
Another April Fools' razor-sharp joke: New York Metropolitan Transit Authority Outlaws Speaking on Subway.